Demo Story

Discuss the story of the game and share your thoughts here

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Brian
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Post by Brian » Wed Nov 07, 2007 1:52 am

Roots wrote:
The only major questions I have is where does the "free roaming" experience factor in? I.e., the player should be able to explore a town, talk to NPCs, shop, and fight some battles to earn drunes and XP. I suppose we could squeeze this in between most scenes without too much trouble.
First off, thanks for the comments! I really appreciate it and I'm glad you like it so far.

To answer your question...

When the captain tells Claudius to look for Kyle. That will be a completely free roaming section of the demo. The script only advances when Claudius finds Kyle to trigger the next sequence of things.
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Post by rujasu » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:25 am

Brian Aloisi wrote:Thanks. I haven't been keeping up with rpgs lately (sadly) so I didn't realize it was such a cliche. I wanted their relationship to be more complex than just the hero and his corrupt buddy though.
Yeah, I didn't mean to say that your plot idea is simplistic at all. It's a very strong story. The whole "two best friends become enemies" idea is done a lot, but there's no such thing as a cliche-free RPG. You can make the plot details as original and unusual as you like, but you have to create conflict somehow.

From a game standpoint, it means we'll have to create artwork for Kyle; that should be a top priority content-wise. Also, it means we can hold off on introducing Laila as a playable character, which might be for the better.
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Post by Roots » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:40 am

We could use the other soldier sprite we have right now for Kyle (I think his name is Jonas in the current demo).
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Post by Brian » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:40 pm

Is there anything else I can be doing right now? I want to keep writing! I was thinking I could start writing npc dialogue, and give each npc several different things to say based on the developments within the story.

I was also thinking it would be fun to have a small side quest, or secret - something along those lines. For example: A person in town could have lost something - a letter, or a pet - something that the player could go and find if they wanted to. I know it's just a demo, but I think it's the attention to detail and the little things that really make a game enjoyable. And it wouldn't be difficult to work in it all. Plus, it would extend the demo an extra 20 or 30 minutes I think, and make it feel less linear.

Just an idea. Obviously I'm trying to find ways to stay busy.

Also I have a question. What is the time frame we're looking at in terms of getting this demo finished and released? I guess I'm pretty out of the loop in terms of how far along things are. And now I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself, but do we have any idea how long it will take before we get an actual finished product out there? I understand we're going to be releasing it in chapters, in order to avoid a long period of not putting anything out there, which I think is a good idea, but it would still be nice to have an idea of how long it will take.
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Post by Roots » Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:15 am

Yes, I would encourage you to write NPC dialogue for the demo. Also keep in mind while writing this that we have code support for actions to occur after certain lines of dialogue, and we can present the player with options that they can select which will determine what is next said/done in the conversation.


A small side quest in the demo would be nice to have as well I feel, especially since it can make the demo feel more like a "mini-RPG" and less like a demo. Maybe that at some point, we can also code up a simple mini-game to include in the demo.


Time frame is...non-existent. Its very difficult (nearly impossible) to predict what an adequate amount of time will be to develop and finish something, since everyone here works in their free time and our schedules vary so greatly. But basically I think that after we release our next demo (0.2.1), we will focus our next major goal on making a new demo that you have described. (And after we finish that, we should finally be ready to start creating the real game :D). So the answer to "how long will it take to do X" is always "we don't know". But I think that we will definitely release the 0.2.1 demo before the end of this year.
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Post by gorzuate » Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:02 pm

I have a really hard time believing the captain would do not one but 2 newb mistakes: backing up to a cliff and getting distracted/not keeping his eyes on the opponent :|

The dialogue at times seems a bit corny :heh:
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Post by Brian » Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:31 pm

gorzuate wrote:I have a really hard time believing the captain would do not one but 2 newb mistakes: backing up to a cliff and getting distracted/not keeping his eyes on the opponent :|

The dialogue at times seems a bit corny :heh:
I actually agree with you about the Captain backing up to the cliff. I couldn't figure out a way for him to lose, and at the same time make it an accident. It's a work in progress.

As for the dialogue, can you cite specifics parts, please? I'd like to hear what you think needs the most revision.

Thanks!
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Post by Jetryl » Thu Nov 08, 2007 5:33 pm

Brian Aloisi wrote:
gorzuate wrote:I have a really hard time believing the captain would do not one but 2 newb mistakes: backing up to a cliff and getting distracted/not keeping his eyes on the opponent :|

The dialogue at times seems a bit corny :heh:
I actually agree with you about the Captain backing up to the cliff. I couldn't figure out a way for him to lose, and at the same time make it an accident. It's a work in progress.

As for the dialogue, can you cite specifics parts, please? I'd like to hear what you think needs the most revision.

Thanks!
Hmm - I'll jump onto that "dialogue" bandwagon - I love the general plot, but I agree with what gorzuate said about some of the dialogue. I'll try and post about that when I have a chunk of time to devote to it.
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Post by Roots » Sun Dec 09, 2007 6:23 pm

Will there be any parts where we have multiple characters in the party (ie, Claudius and Kyle fighting together at some point)? That's something that we need to decide.


Also I mentioned somewhere a while ago that I actually had an idea for how to integrate elements of the demo into the main game, so I figured I might as well tell you all. This is a story element that I actually had in the back of my mind for a long while now, and the events of this demo can mesh perfectly into it. Here goes:

- After Claudius has found the "hero" and the hero perishes on the journey back to Harrvah, Claudius is wandering through the southern Harrvah desert trying to make his way home with his party of companions.

- Claudius and crew discover a cave of sorts, and the party gets caught by a large group of bandits and thieves (its their hideout that they stumbled upon).

- While in captivity, the leader of the bandit group comes to meet the prisoner, and Claudius is shocked to discover that its Kyle. Other party members ask Claudius who is he? Claudius briefly recollects the events from the demo story and about Kyle's betrayal.

(So you see, the player doesn't have to have played the demo to understand who Kyle is and what happened, since Claudius explains it to his unknowing companions).

- Haven't really thought of what happens as far as how the party escapes, what Kyle's fate is, etc.

- We can even allude to their reunion by having the townspeople/signs in Harrvah mention these desert bandits and their evil deeds (and the bandit leader can remain unknown amongst the populace) in the very first part of the game.



So that's how the demo story can fit in with the main game, while still not being a true part of the game. I think its an excellent subplot and that it fits in extremely well. It adds just enough to the game without making it distracting from the main series of events. What do you guys think?
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Brian » Wed Mar 26, 2008 2:58 pm

Hey guys. So I rewrote the last scene. I wasn't happy with how Kyle's fight with the Captain originally went, and I think this version is better. I also changed and added some more dialogue between Kyle and Claudius, during the last scene as well. Let me know what you think.

-Brian




Allacrost Demo
FADE IN:
EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Claudius and Kyle are laying on their backs in a grassy field, relaxing.

KYLE
I’m just saying that I’m only doing this because of my father. He was a knight, so now I have to be one. If it was my choice I would be far away from here.
CLAUDIUS
And go where? You should be happy; it’s an honor to serve your country.
KYLE
I can do that on my own, without blindly following orders.
CLAUDIUS
It’s more effective to work together, and our leadership has our best interest at heart.
KYLE
That’s where you’re wrong, Claudius. As far as they’re concerned we’re expendable.
CLAUDIUS
You’re crazy.
KYLE
All I know is something has to give. I can’t keep on like this.
CLAUDIUS
You’ll be all right. Just remember that a knight is selfless, and the well being of everyone is more important than the individual.
KYLE
I just don’t understand you sometimes…
CLAUDIUS
Hey, what time is it?
KYLE
I don’t know, why?
CLAUDIUS
Don’t we have training today?
KYLE
Who cares.
CLAUDIUS
I think we do. Come on!

Claudius and Kyle run back to town and burst into the Harrvahan knights training room. Everyone is already training – all knights to be, sparring their partners with wooden swords.


INT. TRAINING ROOM – DAY

CAPTAIN
You’re late.
CLAUDIUS
Sorry, sir, I –
KYLE
It’s my fault, sir. I dragged Claudius off this morning, and because of it we weren’t able to arrive on time.
CAPTAIN
Very well; Kyle, you will be punished for this later. For now find a partner to train with.

Kyle motions for Claudius to follow.

CAPTAIN
Not him. Claudius trains with me today.

Kyle nods and walks away.

CAPTAIN
Show me your forward thrust technique.

Claudius executes a forward thrust with a wooden sword on a dummy near the wall.

CAPTAIN
Good Claudius. Remember to never take your eye off your target. Now show me the proper form for a parry.

Claudius executes a parry.

CAPTAIN
Nicely done.
CLAUDIUS
Thank you, sir.
CAPTAIN
Let’s see how you fare when the opponent strikes back. Get down here Kyle!

They both look around but don’t see Kyle anywhere.

CAPTAIN
Where’s that friend of yours run off to this time?
CLAUDIUS
I don’t know, sir. (Not again, Kyle…)
CAPTAIN
All right, you’ll face me then.
CLAUDIUS
Sir?

The captain walks to a weapon rack and pulls out a wooden sword.

CAPTAIN
Draw your weapon, soldier.

Claudius hesitantly draws his sword and approaches.

CAPTAIN
Remember what you’ve learned.

The two battle, with the captain going easy on him. It ends with the captain knocking Claudius’s sword away and pressing the tip of his to Claudius’s throat.

CAPTAIN
Well done, Claudius.

He removes the sword and sets it aside.

CAPTAIN
That’s all for today.
CLAUDIUS
Yes, sir.

As Claudius prepares to leave the Captain stops him.

CAPTAIN
Come with me, Claudius, we need to talk.

They walk into the captain’s office. He shuts the door.

CAPTAIN
You and Kyle are close.
CLAUDIUS
We are, sir.
CAPTAIN
This is difficult, but it needs to be said. You have a lot of potential, Claudius, but I worry about you. I know Kyle is your friend, but I fear he is becoming an impediment to you in your quest for knighthood.
CLAUDIUS
Kyle is a good man, sir. He just messes up sometimes.
CAPTAIN
Regardless, I want you to seriously consider your priorities. Becoming a knight takes sacrifice, and sometimes that sacrifice is spending less time with the people we care about.
CLAUDIUS
I understand, sir.
CAPTAIN
Just think about it. Now, do me a favor and find Kyle. I need to have a talk with him as well.


Claudius nods and heads off in search of Kyle. He approaches some of his fellow knights in training.

CLAUDIUS
Have any of you seen Kyle?
KNIGHT IN TRAINING
No, sorry Claudius.

Claudius spends a long time searching for Kyle. Eventually he finds him on the outskirts of the city, just outside the gates.

EXT. CITY OUTSKIRTS – DAY

CLAUDIUS
There you are!
KYLE
Hey
CLAUDIUS
What are you doing? The captain wants to speak with you.
KYLE
He can wait.
CLAUDIUS
…What?

Kyle hands Claudius a piece of cloth. Inside is a slice of cake.

KYLE
I managed to swipe some goodies from the kitchen quarters a bit ago. I saved you some.
CLAUDIUS
You shouldn’t –
KYLE
It’s just a piece of cake. It’s not going to hurt anyone.
CLAUDIUS
I guess you’re right. And hey, thanks for covering for me back there. I appreciate it.
KYLE
Don’t mention it. I’m already on bad terms with the captain anyway, there’s no sense in you getting in trouble too.

Claudius smiles and nods to his friend. It’s dusk. Suddenly and out of nowhere a beast attacks to the two men. They fight side by side and manage to defeat it.
CLAUDIUS
Good job.
KYLE
Let’s go back to our living quarters.
CLAUDIUS
All right.
KYLE
Claudius?
CLAUDIUS
Yes?
KYLE
I just want you to know that no matter what happens we’ll always be friends.


FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

KNIGHT
Claudius? Claudius! WAKE UP!

Claudius wakes up. Several knights are standing over him.

KNIGHT
Get your gear and let’s go!
CLAUDIUS
What’s going on?
KNIGHT
The treasury! A thief has broken in and stolen everything. The captain has called a man hunt. Now equip yourself and meet us out front.

Claudius jumps out of bed and dresses quickly.

CLAUDIUS
Come on, Kyle, let’s go! …Kyle?

Kyle is nowhere to be found.

CLAUDIUS
Oh no…

Claudius runs out into the courtyard and assembles with everyone else.

EXT. COURTYARD – NIGHT

CAPTAIN
For those of you who don’t know, a thief has broken into the treasury and stolen a vast quantity of gold. It is up to us to capture the criminal and return what they have taken. It’s believed that the robbery occurred no more than 20 minutes ago, so the thief can’t be far. Everyone split up and comb the town.
CLAUDIUS
Sir?
CAPTAIN
Yes, Claudius?
CLAUDIUS
…Nothing.

Everyone disperses in pursuit of the thief. The manhunt continues with no results until Claudius decides to check the cave. He catches a glimpse of Kyle running out ahead of him, carrying a large bag with gold and jewels overflowing from it.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

CLAUDIUS
Kyle!

Claudius is unable to give chase due to monsters inside the cave blocking his path. He must battle his way through the cave, right on Kyle’s heels. Eventually he falls behind though, and it is only by the sound of combat that he is able to track Kyle.

CAPTAIN
Stop this foolishness, Kyle. You can’t escape. Lower your weapon and come peacefully and I’ll make sure your punishment is lenient.
KYLE
No. I’m doing this for me. I don’t expect you to understand.
CAPTAIN
Then you leave me no choice.

They both draw their swords, and Kyle does his best to parry. The Captain makes quick work of Kyle, knocking his sword away and then pushing him to the ground. His blade is aimed at Kyle’s throat, but he slowly pulls it away.

CAPTAIN
I’m very disappointed in you, Kyle.

The sound of running is heard. Claudius appears in the distance and heads for them.

CAPTAIN
Over here, Claudius!

As the Captain turns back towards Kyle, Kyle throws a handful of dirt into the Captain’s eyes, blinding him. He reaches up with a hand to protect his face and try to regain his sight. As he does Kyle stands up and knocks the Captain over the nearby cliff edge.

CLAUDIUS
No!

Claudius runs to the ledge and looks over.


CLAUDIUS
What have you done…
KYLE
I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have to do that.

Claudius stands runs to the exit, blocking Kyle’s path. He draws his sword.

KYLE
What are you doing?
CLAUDIUS
I can’t let you get away.
KYLE
I’m your friend!
CLAUDIUS
It’s my duty!
KYLE
Don’t do this.
CLAUDIUS
You’ve already done it.
KYLE
I don’t want to fight you.
CLAUDIUS
Then lower your weapon and turn yourself in.
KYLE
You know I can’t.
CLAUDIUS
And you know I can’t just let you get away.
KYLE
Isn’t our friendship more important than your duty?
CLAUDIUS
You killed the Captain!


The two friends do battle. They’re both of equal skill and neither can gain an advantage. As they fight the sound of knights running through the cave can be heard. They continue their dialogue while fighting

KYLE
Do you really think it’s going to matter if I take a little treasure? I just want enough to start a new life, away from this servitude. Can’t you understand that?
CLAUDIUS
You’ve tarnished your honor and disgraced the Harrvahan knighthood!
KYLE
To hell with the knighthood!


As the knights emerge around the corner one fires an arrow at Kyle, which misses and embeds into the wall behind him. A low rumbling begins, and the ceiling is caving in. The rocks drop between Claudius and Kyle, effectively separating them and blocking off access to the exit. Kyle has gotten away. Claudius collapses to a knee, exhausted from the chase and battle.

KNIGHT
Claudius! Are you all right?
CLAUDIUS
I’m fine…But the captain…He fell…

Claudius motions to the ledge. The knights look over the edge.

KNIGHT
Everyone down to the cave floor! He might still be alive!

The knights run off, leaving Claudius there, staring at the rock pile. Suddenly a gold coin rolls from the cave-in and then falls onto its side in front of Claudius. He picks it up and stares at it.

CLAUDIUS
Damn you, Kyle.

END
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Roots » Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:16 pm

I like it :approve: Reading this really makes me want to see this in action. There are a few points in the dialogue that I want to further comment on later.
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Roots » Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:36 pm

I'm working on creating the maps for this demo now. I have a couple of questions/thoughts.


1) Where should I place the grassy meadow in the beginning of the story? Is it in a far corner of the town? Should it be its own map that is inaccessible after the initial scene ends? Should it be on the outskirts of town in either the desert or cave maps?

I'm kind of leaning toward having it as its own map and not being able to return to it after the initial scene, even though I hate places you can see in a RPG but never explore. Also I'm wondering if a grassy meadow is an appropriate setting, given that this is a desert environment. What if we replace it with a small oasis instead?


2) What should the desert map include? I think our intent with this map is for it to be a place to just get some generic battle experience and maybe complete a side quest or two (finding someone's dog or something?). Its kind of hard to figure out how to design this map since its so much open space, unlike the maps in our previous releases. I think I'll just try to have certain "landmark" areas (an oasis, some rocky cliffs, a more vegetated area, etc.) so that the map doesn't feel like a big sea of sand.
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Roots » Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:02 pm

Also...


3) What is the name of the town which this story takes place?


I had an idea for making it easier to massage this story in with the rest of the game. It wouldn't make much sense for Claudius to be training in another small town instead of at the capital city, where he lives. I think we can get around this problem by observing that the this town is sort of like a "summer training camp" that all Karlate's in the capital go to for a few weeks or something.


Another idea. I was thinking about how to do the initial scene and I realized that if we just threw the player into the middle of a conversation between Claudius and Kyle, it would be kind of confusing. So I thought maybe when the player begins the game, we can have a black screen with a small paragraph of text that sets the environment and atmosphere so that the player isn't completely clueless as to what's going on. For example:

"Claudius aspires to serve as a knight of his kingdom. As a Karlate, or knight in training, he is stationed at a training camp in the city of XXX. While at the camp he befriended another young man named Kyle who is also a Karlate. One afternoon, Kyle calls Claudius away to the far edge of town..."

And after that text finishes, we fade into the map and -then- we jump into the initial conversation between Claudius and Kyle. I think it would make this demo seem a bit more professional (especially important for an initial impression) and of course would also get the player up to speed on the background in the story.
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Re: Demo Story

Post by gorzuate » Thu Jun 25, 2009 3:18 pm

Roots wrote: I'm kind of leaning toward having it as its own map and not being able to return to it after the initial scene, even though I hate places you can see in a RPG but never explore. Also I'm wondering if a grassy meadow is an appropriate setting, given that this is a desert environment. What if we replace it with a small oasis instead?
It all sounds good.
Roots wrote: 2) What should the desert map include? I think our intent with this map is for it to be a place to just get some generic battle experience and maybe complete a side quest or two (finding someone's dog or something?). Its kind of hard to figure out how to design this map since its so much open space, unlike the maps in our previous releases. I think I'll just try to have certain "landmark" areas (an oasis, some rocky cliffs, a more vegetated area, etc.) so that the map doesn't feel like a big sea of sand.
You have the right idea with the "landmarks".
Roots wrote: And after that text finishes, we fade into the map and -then- we jump into the initial conversation between Claudius and Kyle. I think it would make this demo seem a bit more professional (especially important for an initial impression) and of course would also get the player up to speed on the background in the story.
Highly :approve: I thought this would be in the capital, but another town/city is fine too.
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Roots » Sat Jan 16, 2010 3:22 am

rujasu and I had a little chat about integrating the demo story into the full game at some point tonight. Thought I'd copy it here for record keeping/comment.
<rujasu> Speaking of which, I really think we need to officially include a polished version of this Kyle story in the official game. We can't afford to waste the effort that's being put into this.
<Roots> Yeah you're probably right about that. Its going to be tricky fitting it in though. I want the game to start from the prologue, not here. So I guess we can include it as a flash back scene when Claudius and Kyle meet up again later in the main story line
<Roots> That would be kind of cool actually. To enter a flash back and to actually play through that sequence of events, rather than for Claudius to just tell everyone "Oh yeah this guy used to be my friend but then he f#&@ed us"
<Roots> The hard part will be we'll have to save all of the global info like the current party, inventory, levels, abilities, etc. and when we enter the flashback set it back to low levels and basic skills
<rujasu> Actually, we'll probably have to write a C++ function or two to assist us with that, but overall it should be fairly easy.
<rujasu> You'll want the inventory saved off to its own compartment
<Roots> Yeah I guess it won't be bad after all
<rujasu> For the characters, you just create "alternate universe" versions.
<Roots> Maybe we can use this flashback technique more than once in the game.
<rujasu> If the story calls for it, then yeah, but I wouldn't want to use it more than necessary.
<rujasu> any more than 2-3 times, it'll get annoying
Now that I think about it. Final Fantasy VI had something like this. There was a part of the story when you went to a flash back of the esper's world and controlled one esper (Terra's father) walking around town and talking to others. There were no battles or anything other than "map mode" in that case though. What we're thinking of doing would be a much more complete, playable flashback sequence.
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Re: Demo Story

Post by gorzuate » Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:10 pm

That's a cool idea
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Brian » Sun Jan 31, 2010 10:06 am

All right, I have a revised and cleaned up version of the script to fit the smaller scale of the demo. I'll post it soon, once I've read it a few more times. the NPC dialogue is coming right along - each NPC will have at least two different things to say, as well as Claudius.
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Brian » Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:32 am

Here's an updated script for the demo. I modified some of the dialogue and cleaned up the writing. Let me know what you think.

Allacrost Demo
FADE IN:
EXT. OUTPOST – DAY

Claudius and Kyle are leaning against an outpost overlooking the terrain.

KYLE
You know the only reason I’m doing this is because of my family. There was never any discussion. If it was my choice I’d be far away from here.
CLAUDIUS
And go where? You should be happy. It’s an honor to serve your country.
KYLE
I can do that on my own.
CLAUDIUS
It’s more effective to work together. Besides, the Captain has our best interest at heart.
KYLE
That’s where you’re wrong, Claudius. As far he’s concerned we’re expendable.
CLAUDIUS
You’re crazy.
KYLE
You’ve never thought about leaving the knighthood?
CLAUDIUS
Of course not.
KYLE
I didn’t think so.
CLAUDIUS
You’ll be all right.
KYLE
I just don’t understand you sometimes.
CLAUDIUS
Hey, what time is it?
KYLE
I don’t know.
CLAUDIUS
Aren’t we supposed to be sparring right now?
KYLE
Who cares.
CLAUDIUS
I think we are. Come on.

Claudius and Kyle run inside into the Harrvahan knights training hall. All the aspiring knights are sparring with their partners.


INT. TRAINING ROOM – DAY

CAPTAIN
You’re late.
CLAUDIUS
Sorry, sir, I –
KYLE
It’s my fault, sir. I dragged Claudius off this morning.
CAPTAIN
Very well. Kyle. Find a partner to train with. I’ll deal with you later.

Kyle motions for Claudius to follow.

CAPTAIN
Not him. Claudius trains with me today.

KYLE
Yes sir.

Kyle nods and walks away.

CAPTAIN
Claudius, show me your forward thrust technique.

Claudius executes a forward thrust.

CAPTAIN
Good. Remember, never take your eye off your target. Now show me the proper form for a parry.

Claudius executes a parry.

CAPTAIN
Nicely done.
CLAUDIUS
Thank you, sir.
CAPTAIN
Let’s see how you fare when the opponent strikes back. Get down here, Kyle.

They both look around but don’t see Kyle anywhere.

CAPTAIN
Where’s that friend of yours run off to this time?
CLAUDIUS
I don’t know, sir.
CAPTAIN
You’ll face me then.
CLAUDIUS
Sir?

The captain walks to a weapon rack and pulls out a wooden sword.

CAPTAIN
Draw your weapon.

Claudius draws his sword and approaches.

CAPTAIN
Remember what you’ve learned.

The two battle, the captain going easy on him. It ends with the captain knocking Claudius’s sword away and pressing the tip of his blade to Claudius’s throat.

CAPTAIN
Well done, Claudius.

He removes the sword and sets it aside.

CAPTAIN
That’s all for today.
CLAUDIUS
Yes, sir.

As Claudius prepares to leave the Captain stops him.

CAPTAIN
Come with me, Claudius, we need to talk.

They walk to the corner of the hall.

CAPTAIN
You and Kyle are close.
CLAUDIUS
We are, sir.
CAPTAIN
You have a lot of potential, Claudius. I know Kyle is your friend, but I fear he’s becoming an impediment to your quest for knighthood.
CLAUDIUS
Kyle is a good man, sir.
CAPTAIN
Regardless, I want you to consider your priorities. Becoming a knight takes sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice means spending less time with the people we care about.
CLAUDIUS
I understand, sir.
CAPTAIN
Just think about it. Now, do me a favor and find Kyle. I need to speak with him as well.


Claudius nods and heads off in search of Kyle. He approaches some of his fellow knights in training.

CLAUDIUS
Have any of you seen Kyle?
PHILLIP
No, sorry Claudius.

Claudius searches for Kyle. Eventually he finds him on the outskirts of the outpost.

EXT. OUTPOST OUTSKIRT – DAY

CLAUDIUS
There you are.
KYLE
Hey.
CLAUDIUS
What are you doing? The captain wants to speak with you.
KYLE
He can wait.

Kyle hands Claudius a piece of cloth. Inside is a slice of cake.

KYLE
I managed to swipe some goodies from the kitchen quarters a bit ago. I saved you some.
CLAUDIUS
You shouldn’t –
KYLE
It’s just a piece of cake. It’s not going to hurt anyone.
CLAUDIUS
I guess you’re right. And hey, thanks for covering for me back there. I appreciate it.
KYLE
Don’t mention it. I’m already on bad terms with the captain, there’s no sense in you getting in trouble too.

Claudius smiles and nods. It’s dusk. Suddenly and out of nowhere a beast attacks to the two men. They fight side by side and manage to defeat it.
CLAUDIUS
Good job.
KYLE
You too. We should head back.
CLAUDIUS
All right.
KYLE
Claudius?
CLAUDIUS
Yes?
KYLE
…Let’s go.


FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. BARRACKS – NIGHT

HECTOR
Claudius? Claudius! WAKE UP!

Claudius wakes up. Several knights are standing over him.

HECTOR
Get your gear and let’s go!
CLAUDIUS
What’s going on?
ALEX
The armory! A thief has broken in. The captain has called a man hunt. Now equip yourself and meet out front.

Claudius gets out of bed and dresses.

CLAUDIUS
Come on, Kyle, let’s go! Kyle?

Kyle is nowhere to be found.

CLAUDIUS
Oh no.

Claudius runs out and assembles with everyone else.

EXT. OUTPOST – NIGHT

CAPTAIN
For those of you who don’t know, a thief has broken into the armory. It is up to us to capture him. Split up and comb the area.
CLAUDIUS
Sir?
CAPTAIN
Yes, Claudius?
CLAUDIUS
…Nothing.
CAPTAIN
You have your orders. Now go.

Everyone disperses in pursuit of the thief. The manhunt continues with no results until Claudius decides to check the cave. He catches a glimpse of Kyle running out ahead of him.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

CLAUDIUS
Kyle!

Claudius is unable to give chase due to monsters inside the cave blocking his path. He must battle his way through the cave, right on Kyle’s heels. Eventually he falls behind though, and it is only by the sound of combat that he is able to track Kyle.

CAPTAIN
Stop this, Kyle. You can’t escape. Lower your weapon and come peacefully and I’ll make sure your punishment is lenient.
KYLE
No. I’m doing this for me. I don’t expect you to understand.
CAPTAIN
Then you leave me no choice.

They both draw their swords, and Kyle does his best to parry. The Captain makes quick work of Kyle, knocking his sword away and pushing him to the ground. His blade is aimed at Kyle’s throat, but he slowly pulls it away.

CAPTAIN
I’m disappointed in you, Kyle.

The sound of running is heard. Claudius appears in the distance and heads for them.

CAPTAIN
Over here, Claudius!

As the Captain turns back towards Kyle, Kyle throws a handful of dirt into the Captain’s eyes, blinding him. He reaches up with a hand to protect his face and try to regain his sight. As he does Kyle stands up and knocks the Captain over the nearby cliff edge.

CLAUDIUS
No!

Claudius runs to the ledge and looks over.


CLAUDIUS
What have you done…
KYLE
I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have to do that.

Claudius stands runs to the exit, blocking Kyle’s path. He draws his sword.

KYLE
What are you doing?
CLAUDIUS
I can’t let you get away.
KYLE
I’m your friend!
CLAUDIUS
It’s my duty!
KYLE
Don’t do this.
CLAUDIUS
You’ve already done it.
KYLE
I don’t want to fight you.
CLAUDIUS
Then lower your weapon and turn yourself in.
KYLE
You know I can’t.
CLAUDIUS
And you know I can’t let you go.
KYLE
Isn’t our friendship more important than your duty?
CLAUDIUS
You killed the Captain!


The two friends do battle. They’re both of equal skill and neither can gain an advantage. As they fight the sound of knights running through the cave can be heard. They continue their dialogue while fighting

KYLE
I just took some supplies, just enough to start a new life, away from this servitude. Can’t you understand?
CLAUDIUS
You’ve tarnished your honor and disgraced the Harrvahan knighthood!
KYLE
To hell with the knighthood!


As the knights emerge around the corner one fires an arrow at Kyle, which misses and embeds into the wall behind him. A low rumbling begins, and the ceiling begins to cave in. The rocks drop between Claudius and Kyle, effectively separating them and blocking off access to the exit. Kyle has gotten away. Claudius collapses to a knee, exhausted from the chase and battle.

CHARLES
Claudius! Are you all right?
CLAUDIUS
I’m fine…But the captain…He fell…

Claudius motions to the ledge. The knights look over the edge.

HECTOR
Everyone down to the cave floor! He might still be alive!

The knights run off, leaving Claudius there, staring at the rock pile.

CLAUDIUS
Damn you, Kyle.

END
A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul.
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Roots
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Roots » Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:36 am

I like the updated script a lot! Nice work :approve: These are the only areas I had (minor) issues with.
EXT. OUTPOST – DAY

Claudius and Kyle are leaning against an outpost overlooking the terrain.
Actually I prefer that the opening scene not be in the outpost but somewhere outside. The reason being that we don't want the player to spend the first 5 minutes of the game just going through dialogue (good for a book, not good for a game). So after Claudius and Kyle decide to leave to go to training, they have to fight their way through the desert outskirts enemies to get back to camp. I explain this in more detail in this post (read the second half of it) and everyone seems to agree with me.
CLAUDIUS
Aren’t we supposed to be sparring right now?
Sparring can be done anywhere as long as you have a partner, so the player might get confused thinking why don't they just spar right there? I think the wording should be changed to indicate that it is a more formal form of instruction that needs to be taken at the training hall. Maybe replace sparring with "practical training class" or something. :shrug:
CAPTAIN
Let’s see how you fare when the opponent strikes back. Get down here, Kyle.
"Get down here" implies that he is upstairs or something. Also because Kyle will not be on screen at this point, normal voice inflection would seem rather weird, as if the captain expects him to be right next to him. I think it should be changed to "Kyle! Get over here!" Or perhaps just "Kyle!"
KYLE
I managed to swipe some goodies from the kitchen quarters a bit ago. I saved you some.
"a bit ago" :| I don't know, it just sounds kind of awkward to me. Maybe "this morning" or something instead?
CAPTAIN
Stop this, Kyle. You can’t escape. Lower your weapon and come peacefully and I’ll make sure your punishment is lenient.
I think the captain is showing too much leniency with the way this is said. He already knows Kyle is a bad apple and that sounds like something that you would say to a great pupil who made a bad mistake. I would change it to say "Lower your weapon and come peacefully. Don't make a bad situation worse." or something similar.
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Brian
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Re: Demo Story

Post by Brian » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:34 pm

1. No problem. The only reason I changed it is because Rujasu said we were cutting the town from the demo, so I assumed I had to scale things back to be exclusively around the outpost.

2. Good point. I'll get on that.

3. I had thought about that, but wanted to wait and see if anyone said anything. For all I knew the training room was tiered or something.

4. No problem. I'll cut "a bit ago".

5. Agreed. I'll change it. Along the same lines, I wasn't sure if the Captain, when he first scolds Claudius and Kyle for being late, if he should also say he will punish Claudius too. Regardless of if it's Kyle's fault or not, Claudius was also late. But then I thought, well, maybe Kyle is always getting in trouble, and since it's so rare with Claudius the Captain will overlook it. Does that come off as too soft or biased?
A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul.
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