Postby Brian » Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:02 pm
Here is the latest draft. I addressed all the issues we discussed (after a second reading I decided the opening scene is fine). I think it's pretty close to being done, but everyone should read it first. As I said, I'll be in the Philippines, but I'll have my computer and internet access, so if any changes need to be made I can do it, no problem. Enjoy.
Allacrost Demo
FADE IN:
EXT. DESERT – DAY
Claudius and Kyle are in the desert overlooking the terrain.
KYLE
You know the only reason I’m doing this is because of my family. There was never any discussion. If it was my choice I’d be far away from here.
CLAUDIUS
And go where? You should be happy. It’s an honor to serve your country.
KYLE
I can do that on my own.
CLAUDIUS
It’s more effective to work together. Besides, the captain has our best interest at heart.
KYLE
That’s where you’re wrong, Claudius. As far he’s concerned we’re expendable.
CLAUDIUS
You’re crazy.
KYLE
You’ve never thought about leaving the knighthood?
CLAUDIUS
Of course not.
KYLE
I didn’t think so.
CLAUDIUS
You’ll be all right.
KYLE
I just don’t understand you sometimes.
CLAUDIUS
Hey, what time is it?
KYLE
I don’t know.
CLAUDIUS
Aren’t we supposed to be in practical training class right now?
KYLE
Oh yeah, I guess we are.
CLAUDIUS
Come on, we better hurry back.
Claudius and Kyle fight their way through the desert, back to the outpost. They enter the Harrvahan knights training hall. All the aspiring knights are training with their partners.
INT. TRAINING ROOM – DAY
CAPTAIN
You’re late.
CLAUDIUS
Sorry, sir, I –
KYLE
It’s my fault, sir. I dragged Claudius off this morning.
CAPTAIN
Very well. You’ll both mop the training hall floor this evening. In addition, Kyle, you will help serve dinner tonight. Is that clear?
CLAUDIUS/KYLE
Yes sir!
CAPTAIN
Good. Now find a partner to train with.
Kyle motions for Claudius to follow.
CAPTAIN
Not him. Claudius trains with me today.
KYLE
Yes sir.
Kyle nods and walks away.
CAPTAIN
Claudius, show me your forward thrust technique.
Claudius executes a forward thrust.
CAPTAIN
Good. Remember, never take your eye off your target. Now show me the proper form for a parry.
Claudius executes a parry.
CAPTAIN
Nicely done.
CLAUDIUS
Thank you, sir.
CAPTAIN
Let’s see how you fare when the opponent strikes back. Kyle!
They both look around but don’t see Kyle anywhere.
CAPTAIN
Where’s that friend of yours run off to this time?
CLAUDIUS
I don’t know, sir.
CAPTAIN
You’ll face me then.
CLAUDIUS
Sir?
The captain walks to a weapon rack and pulls out a wooden sword.
CAPTAIN
Draw your weapon.
Claudius draws his sword and approaches.
CAPTAIN
Remember what you’ve learned.
The two battle, the captain going easy on him. It ends with the captain knocking Claudius’s sword away and pressing the tip of his blade to Claudius’s throat.
CAPTAIN
Well done, Claudius.
He removes the sword and sets it aside.
CAPTAIN
That’s all for today.
CLAUDIUS
Yes, sir.
As Claudius prepares to leave the captain stops him.
CAPTAIN
Come with me, Claudius, we need to talk.
They walk to the corner of the hall.
CAPTAIN
You and Kyle are close.
CLAUDIUS
We are, sir.
CAPTAIN
You have a lot of potential, Claudius. I know Kyle is your friend, but I fear he’s becoming an impediment to your quest for knighthood.
CLAUDIUS
Kyle is a good man, sir.
CAPTAIN
Regardless, I want you to consider your priorities. Becoming a knight takes sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice means spending less time with the people we care about.
CLAUDIUS
I understand, sir.
CAPTAIN
Just think about it. Now, do me a favor and find Kyle. I need to speak with him as well.
Claudius nods and heads off in search of Kyle. He approaches some of his fellow knights in training.
CLAUDIUS
Have any of you seen Kyle?
PHILLIP
No, sorry Claudius.
Claudius searches for Kyle. Eventually he finds him in the desert.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
CLAUDIUS
There you are.
KYLE
Hey.
CLAUDIUS
What are you doing? The captain wants to speak with you.
KYLE
He can wait.
Kyle hands Claudius a piece of cloth. Inside is a slice of cake.
KYLE
I managed to swipe some goodies from the kitchen quarters. I saved you some.
CLAUDIUS
You shouldn’t –
KYLE
It’s just a piece of cake. It’s not going to hurt anyone.
CLAUDIUS
I guess you’re right. And hey, thanks for covering for me back there. I appreciate it.
KYLE
Don’t mention it. I’m already on bad terms with the captain anyway.
Claudius smiles and nods. It’s dusk. Suddenly and out of nowhere a beast attacks to the two men. They fight side by side and manage to defeat it.
CLAUDIUS
Good job.
KYLE
You too. We should head back.
CLAUDIUS
All right.
KYLE
Claudius?
CLAUDIUS
Yes?
KYLE
…Let’s go.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. BARRACKS – NIGHT
HECTOR
Claudius? Claudius! Wake up!
Claudius wakes up. Several knights are standing over him.
HECTOR
Get your gear and let’s go!
CLAUDIUS
What’s going on?
ALEX
A thief has broken into the armory. The captain has called a man hunt. Equip yourself and meet out front.
Claudius gets out of bed and dresses.
CLAUDIUS
Come on, Kyle, let’s go! Kyle?
Kyle is nowhere to be found.
CLAUDIUS
Oh no.
Claudius runs out and assembles with everyone else.
EXT. OUTPOST – NIGHT
CAPTAIN
For those of you who don’t know, a thief has broken into the armory. It is up to us to capture him. Split up and comb the area.
CLAUDIUS
Sir?
CAPTAIN
Yes, Claudius?
CLAUDIUS
…Nothing.
CAPTAIN
You have your orders. Now go.
Everyone disperses in pursuit of the thief. The manhunt continues with no results until Claudius decides to check the cave. He catches a glimpse of Kyle running out ahead of him.
INT. CAVE – NIGHT
CLAUDIUS
Kyle!
Claudius is unable to give chase due to monsters inside the cave blocking his path. He must battle his way through the cave, right on Kyle’s heels. Eventually he falls behind though, and it is only by the sound of combat that he is able to track Kyle.
CAPTAIN
Stop this, Kyle. You can’t escape. Lower your weapon and come peacefully. Don’t make a bad situation worse.
KYLE
No. I’m doing this for me. I don’t expect you to understand.
CAPTAIN
Then you leave me no choice.
They both draw their swords, and Kyle does his best to parry. The captain makes quick work of Kyle, knocking his sword away and pushing him to the ground. His blade is aimed at Kyle’s throat, but he slowly pulls it away.
CAPTAIN
I’m disappointed in you, Kyle.
The sound of running is heard. Claudius appears in the distance and heads for them.
CAPTAIN
Over here, Claudius!
As the captain turns back towards Kyle, Kyle throws a handful of dirt into the captain’s eyes, blinding him. He reaches up with a hand to protect his face and try to regain his sight. As he does Kyle stands up and knocks the captain over the nearby cliff edge.
CLAUDIUS
No!
Claudius runs to the ledge and looks over.
CLAUDIUS
What have you done…
KYLE
I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have to do that.
Claudius stands runs to the exit, blocking Kyle’s path. He draws his sword.
KYLE
What are you doing?
CLAUDIUS
I can’t let you get away.
KYLE
I’m your friend!
CLAUDIUS
It’s my duty!
KYLE
Don’t do this.
CLAUDIUS
You’ve already done it.
KYLE
I don’t want to fight you.
CLAUDIUS
Then lower your weapon and turn yourself in.
KYLE
You know I can’t.
CLAUDIUS
And you know I can’t let you go.
KYLE
Isn’t our friendship more important than your duty?
CLAUDIUS
You killed the captain!
The two friends do battle. They’re both of equal skill and neither can gain an advantage. As they fight the sound of knights running through the cave can be heard. They continue their dialogue while fighting
KYLE
I just took some supplies, just enough to start a new life, away from this servitude. Can’t you understand?
CLAUDIUS
You’ve tarnished your honor and disgraced the Harrvahan knighthood!
KYLE
To hell with the knighthood!
As the knights emerge around the corner one fires an arrow at Kyle. It misses and embeds into the wall behind him. A low rumbling begins, and the ceiling begins to cave in. The rocks drop between Claudius and Kyle, separating them and blocking the exit. Kyle has gotten away. Claudius collapses to a knee, exhausted from the chase and battle.
CHARLES
Claudius! Are you all right?
CLAUDIUS
I’m fine…But the captain…He fell…
Claudius motions to the ledge. The knights look over the edge.
HECTOR
Everyone down to the cave floor! He might still be alive!
The knights run off, leaving Claudius there, staring at the rock pile.
CLAUDIUS
Damn you, Kyle.
END
A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul.